Yeshivaish Sex Ed
This post at Jewish Conections got me thinking....
I was one of the only graduating seniors in my yeshiva HS who would actually owe up to having lost my virginity while in HS (my choice and what I did in the context of a long term relationship is not up for anyone's judgment). Not that I was going around volunteering that information, but if someone asked, I was honest.
There certainly were others who did go out of their way to hide the fact they they enganged in ANY Remotely Sensual activities, including good friends of mine. I felt it sad that they could not turn to their parents for advice about that kind of thing. I watched many friends struggle with the decisions surrounding being shomer negiah and with their sexuality in general. Instead of seeing sex as natural and beautiful (which Judaism does) my peers saw it as shameful.
I am thankful that my yeshiva HS had a Taharat Ha Mishpacha class, or as I called it Sex Ed Yeshiva Style. We seniors were split up by gender and the rebbetzin who lead the majority of the girls class was pretty well informed. One day we had a GYN come in and teach us about birth control and the like. At least they did that for us and aknowlegded that it was in everyone's best interests to at least be educated about sex and STDs and etc...{This is what makes abstinence-only programs so scary-- that they don't teach about protection so when those kids end up having sex they don't use condoms (I know there are stats onthis somewhere, just can't track them down right now.....). Let's face it, teens are gonna experiment. That's life. Not all teens, but a good chunk. I mean teaching teens about codoms isn't going to make them say "wow! Wearing a condom looks fun! I need to go out and find a girl to hae sex with". }
I digress. My parents had always been open minded and taught me that sex was something special to be shared between two people. And that sex was powerful and if used to the wrong way or not respected could lead to hurt feelings...or worse.... And that is a boy didn't respect my boundaries then I should kick him to the curb.
I was one of the only graduating seniors in my yeshiva HS who would actually owe up to having lost my virginity while in HS (my choice and what I did in the context of a long term relationship is not up for anyone's judgment). Not that I was going around volunteering that information, but if someone asked, I was honest.
There certainly were others who did go out of their way to hide the fact they they enganged in ANY Remotely Sensual activities, including good friends of mine. I felt it sad that they could not turn to their parents for advice about that kind of thing. I watched many friends struggle with the decisions surrounding being shomer negiah and with their sexuality in general. Instead of seeing sex as natural and beautiful (which Judaism does) my peers saw it as shameful.
I am thankful that my yeshiva HS had a Taharat Ha Mishpacha class, or as I called it Sex Ed Yeshiva Style. We seniors were split up by gender and the rebbetzin who lead the majority of the girls class was pretty well informed. One day we had a GYN come in and teach us about birth control and the like. At least they did that for us and aknowlegded that it was in everyone's best interests to at least be educated about sex and STDs and etc...{This is what makes abstinence-only programs so scary-- that they don't teach about protection so when those kids end up having sex they don't use condoms (I know there are stats onthis somewhere, just can't track them down right now.....). Let's face it, teens are gonna experiment. That's life. Not all teens, but a good chunk. I mean teaching teens about codoms isn't going to make them say "wow! Wearing a condom looks fun! I need to go out and find a girl to hae sex with". }
I digress. My parents had always been open minded and taught me that sex was something special to be shared between two people. And that sex was powerful and if used to the wrong way or not respected could lead to hurt feelings...or worse.... And that is a boy didn't respect my boundaries then I should kick him to the curb.
posted by Lyss | 9:45 PM
5 Comments:
I find your tone, lulei demistafina, dismissive. If you think that the yeshiva system is pooh-pooing the sex issue, re-read your post; you're doing it the other way.
I found your post very good, not poo pooing anything, education leads to people knowing the facts, the way it's done in frum cirlces is wrong, and leads to many problems. Forget Sex-Ed, most frum people don't even have birds and bee's talks with thier kids, it's all found out later.
Not so Rubin. My rebbe, shlit"a taught his kid about sex when he was six years old "before he heard about it from his classmates." This was in Jerusalem, circa 1987.
Lyss, did you go to a BY? Maimo?
Good to hear that a rebbe taught his child about the birds 'n bees. Too bad he's one of the only ones.
What does BY stand for? (only thing I can think is is Bnai Yeshurun, a shul in Teaneck)
I dont see a point in speaking to a 6 year old about sex, he's a bit young to understand what his father is talking about. Maybe when hes 12 13 yrs old it would be more productive
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